I’ve often found that creating and breaking habits can only be done by consciously forcing myself to commit to it. Makes sense, right? This new quest to recreate my artistic self is no different. Here are the second and third full pages in my sketchbook.
I intend to do more. Intentions are sometimes better than dreams. Dreams can feel so far away some days. I need make myself see the steps up to the heavens. Each little cloud can carry me higher. Pretty soon the stars will be within reach.
It isn’t hard to gather pens or paper. I have plenty of both. My problem is filling the page with something worth while. I prejudge and convince myself that anything I am about to do isn’t worth it and I stop before I even start. Today I set out to break this bad habit. I have no excuse for so many empty sketchbooks and blank pages.
I hope to do this more regularly. If I fill a page, it has to be worth it. If someone doesn’t like the final product, what does that matter to me? How will I ever live my life as a true artist if I never create. I’m hoping to rediscover my creative self. Today might be the start.
I’ve been trying to put pen to paper every day even if it’s silly or incomplete. I didn’t fill a page today. It’s incomplete. My weekend feels incomplete too. Something isn’t right but I can’t put my finger on it. I’m trying to realign so I can start my week off on a more positive vibe. I’m not sure I’ll manage before heading to bed. I’m running out of time but I am trying.
I can’t be the only one who falls into strange ruts. I have the urge to create quite often but then nothing happens. Sometimes I gather all my supplies around me and then I end up just sitting. Nothing happens. Some days I put pen to paper and nothing falls out other than just a dot or squiggle. Lately this rut has gotten deeper and more daunting. I feel like Alice falling into a rabbit hole; I’m disoriented and lost.
Sunday I decided that I was going to create SOMETHING. I grabbed my Pentel markers and pencils, Micron pens, Lyra pencils, Derwent tins, etc. I cleared off a space on my art table and sat. I sipped water and stared at my blank sketchbook page. It frustrated me how complicated it all felt. I grabbed a marker… pink. I drew a flower shape and colored it in. That’s a basic standby shape, right? Then I grabbed a blue marker and drew another flower. I added some colored pencil to create some depth. I penned in some other shapes. I added more color. In the end I had this finished piece before me.
Sure it isn’t very big and it isn’t anything really special, but I did it in one sitting. I finished something. It is bright and pleasing to my eye. It is not a failure by any means. I need to force myself to sit and make marks until it comes naturally again. I miss losing myself in a piece… which finally happened again on Sunday. It was divine. I want my creativity to bloom and flourish and I want to share it with you.